Man has Vasectomy, Saves Money.


Having children might be a biological imperative – but it’s also nose-bleedingly pricey.

You can shave the edges from a budget all day long, but it’s the really big things that make the difference.  Large chunks of debt spread over a lifetime, where you live in the world, what you do for a living, how many children you have.

The cost of raising a child, has been calculated many different ways and varies considerably, but it’s safe to say you will not escape for less than several hundred thousand dollars.  The idea of putting food units into a child at least 3 times a day for nearly 2 decades is still amazing to me, in both the expense and the sheer repetitiveness of the task.  And that is just one part of the massive investment of time, money and energy required to raise a child properly.

I have 2 kids so this is not news to me.  I can not and do not want to change this fact, but I also wish that everyone thinking of having children would truly understand and feel totally free to embrace the following truths:

  • You do not have to have any children, if you don’t want them.  No one on earth has the right to pressure you into doing so, not your friends, your parents, or society at large.
  • You do not have to have more than one child.  Only children turn out just fine.  A sibling can be a soulmate, but they can also become an estranged nemesis.
  • A vasectomy is an excellent way of preventing further pregnancies and avoiding the hassle of other forms of less reliable contraception.

Children are awesome and precious, but the world is not exactly lacking in new humans… in fact this article from The Guardian forecasts that the world’s population, rather than peaking and levelling off in 2050, is set to balloon even higher – reaching 11 billion in 2100.

Without wanting to be too graphic, there is literal ocean of sperms cruising around onboard the several billion males on this planet.  Making sure a few less of them are introduced to eggs in the first place is a pretty sane and admirable move I reckon.

I talked to my friend John Johnington (NOT HIS REAL NAME), who recently had a vasectomy – about his experience:

How much did it cost? (via private doc or public system?)

It was a private doc, it cost $65 with Southern Cross picking up the other $450 odd

Were you nervous?

I was kind of resigned to my fate by that point

Name of Doctor?

Umm … Johnathan masters

His Bedside manner?

Very chatty and making lots of conversation about spaceships and stuff. Good distracting “don’t think about what I’m doing to ur bawlz” chatty

Any alarming/amusing comedic moments?

Yes! When I said that I work for a certain music company, the nurse who was assisting said “oh I know lots of people who use that software” and found we had quite a few DJ friends in common. So we were chatting about nightclubs and DJs and stuff. That was weird given the context, but good distraction yes.

Pain management method? (i/v sedation? valium?)

Umm local anaesthetic and some aspirin afterwards

Any distracting artwork on walls of surgery?

Not in the surgery I think, but there was some nice bad art in the other room. Can’t quite remember what it was. As you left the office there was another table with some books, one of which was an enormous oversized picture book of the WTC 9-11 disaster, and I remember thinking about the curious cosmic resonance of that, in that my twin towers had just been demolished too.

How much roughly do you think you’ve saved in terms of lifetime child rearing expenses?

An infinitude of dollars

Was the amount of actual pain in line with expected pain levels?

About heaps of times worse

How are you feeling post surgery?

I felt horrible for a week but ok now

What made you realise you were finished after 2 children? (a messenger in a dream? a dawning horror?)

Just the fact that I had 2 of them now and it was really a push to get over the line to have a second one, in that they are a lot of work and I’m lazy

Which statement most closely reflects your attitude after having a vasectomy?:

1) I feel like more of a man because i have generously saved my partner from any further administration and pain related to contraception.

2) I feel like slightly less of a man because my sense of manhood is tied up in notions of my ability to reproduce

3)I feel the same as before, possibly lighter.

Hurmm I guess 3?

What would you say to any other men thinking of getting a vasectomy?

It is A LOT WORSE THAN YOU THINK, keep stalling. I am glad I stalled so long. That was smart.

What rhymes with Vasectomy?

Vajectomy and also kleptocracy a bit

Thanks John…. you’re a good man.